There are many things that could have woken me at 4.19 AM. I know the exact time I wake up, you’ll like that about me. But I digress. The rustle of rats on a surprisingly echo-creating wire cage could be the culprit. I love them very much. I brought them into my bedroom to cool down even, but they are nocturnal and every movement is very sporadic. And their water bottle. It is so very loud.

The orgy of birds outside might be why I’m up right now. The sound they make is like nails on a chalkboard mixed with a shriek, but at an ungodly pace of 180-190 beats per minute. Or maybe it is more like a rape and pillage of an old town. Not a town of old people per se, rather a town of old, seeing as how we (hopefully) don’t pillage nowadays.

The heat. Oh the heat. It’s supposed to be cooler at night, but it is barely less unbareable. Granted I did turn off the window fan before bed, but I expected it to cool naturally. I didn’t want it on because then I’d be too cold, my throat would hurt, and I’d be sick in the summer. It is summer now, right? Officially?

My small, small bladder. That could be what causes me such grief. My small girlish bladder. Curse it! I’ve been drinking an unusual amount of water recently. Sometimes a 32 oz bottle in a 30-60 minute sitting. I do it to try to cope with my persistent lightheadedness. It might be diabetes, but I don’t think I’m paranoid to believe that. My lightheadedness probably stems from working a job where I am on my feet racing back and forth from window to window retrieving food and sending it out.

I work in a restaurant as an expediter. This is my tangent. I love my job. I wish I could have my job closer, my family closer, my apartment closer to my friends and the independence of living alone with my fiancé. I want this that and the other.

I am keenly aware of my back. We have a history of back pain in my family. My dad, sister, Mother, and me. I finally took off the mattress pad my fiancé insists on using on our bed. It’s like a futon cushion on top of a very supportive mattress. Why did we get a box spring, if we don’t want to have the support?

I don’t believe my reason for being up is my loneliness. I don’t believe emotions can cause a physical stirring of the body out of some pretty delightful REM sleep. Loneliness, however, is fucking with my sleep schedule. The time of my resting is in flux because I’m watching movies and television. I don’t know what I aim to achieve by staying up late, but it’s no substitute for warm conversation and sprightly human contact.

I don’t want to end on a serious note. So let me end by saying this. Being naked all day is a perk of summer and our apartment with small windows. Good night.